lazy is as lazy does

I have such a burning desire to accomplish so much more in my life than what I'm currently pursuing; however, I have this incredible knack for talking myself out of just about everything -- from taking that first step or making any strategic plans or really exerting any effort what so ever.

In short, I suffer from what I like to call "convenient inertia" ... of the "not moving" variety.

I seemingly like to appreciate other people's hard working efforts/accomplishments but I haven't the gumption to be a part of that group. I'm a fantastic consumer -- lousy contributor.

Love to read -- read alot, but can't bring myself to write [I'm too lazy and have a loud critical voice in my head]. Love beautiful images -- admire and analyze them often, but I can't be bothered to create my own original work [again, lazy and it's awefully loud in here!]. I make up all sorts of glorious excuses for not taking on any personal challenges other than dinner, laundry, car pick up/drop off and impromptu social gatherings.

I'm starting to feel restive and more than a bit rote.

I feel like I'm living a barely contemplated existence and am not willing to take on any challenges. This sorry state might have originated from when I took that last gut-wrenching, mentally exhaustive exam at U of Penn five years ago and, as a result of that final academic effort, I must have subconsciously made a vow that only vapid and shallow pursuits will fill my days from there on out! And now I'm aghast at how long I've allowed myself to become so dormant and vacuous.

*blech

and

*sigh

I guess, in short, I'm looking for a good kick in the pants to get moving on something -- anything! -- either self imposed, from a close friend, from a working group of compadres and friends, or where ever. I obviously need to do something -- anything! -- before I sink any further in this mire of "what's the point? who really cares?" ...

my disease

the terrible case of not being able to say "no"

to friends, family, teenagers, people I work with ... just about anyone!

I absolutely struggle with this affliction.

a reflective time of year

starting school again (both the kids and me) always feels like such a "new beginning" ...

a big start and opportunity to do big, exciting, new and interesting things.

but almost immediately I find myself getting mired in the minutiae of just getting through the day:

the breakfast/lunch/snack/dinner [don't forget the coffee!] routine ...

the laundry piles: the dirty/to wash/to dry/to fold/"where are my uniform pants" piles ...

the attention needed for the dog/the bunnies/the house/the garden/the weeds ...

the touch base ~ make connections ~ check in ~ support ~ problem solve ~ communicate ...

*******

I really don't MAKE the time or find the energy or prioritize my efforts to include challenging personal endeavors (such as painting, writing, or researching new interests!)

What does that say about me and how much importance I put on personal growth.

I'm a tad bit nervous that I'm going to turn into one of those horribly bland and complacent middle aged women whose college-aged kids come home and say "Wow, mom WHAT do you do with your time/with your life?!"

I kinda cringe inwardly when I imagine my lack of response to such a critical (albeit accurate) observation.

I've always really wanted to DO something and BE something even contribute SOMETHING to the greater humanity ...

But right now I'm at a tremendous loss as to what the hell that something may be ...

what happened to that really nice and mild weather?

it was obviously obliterated in the face of such brutal heat and humidity!

YUCK!!

I hate when sweat pools in my girlie parts and my ass sticks to the driver's seat!

Double YUCK!!

I'm already counting the days until autumn :-)

peeing my pants

this post (which I stumbled across whilest browsing Awkward Family Photos, but originally came from here!) had me howling out loud!

and the 700+ comments which follow are quite hysterical as well ...

[this is how I avoid doing any more painting!] :-)

officially crazy

... as if we had any doubts!

Yep! Still going at it. All cylinders banging and no end in sight.

I'll ask Pos to post pics of the current madness I'm involved in (I promise, it's NOT illegal!) and I'm sure to be better about posting once the summer ends (if you can believe it! -- not!)

I'm still trying to win the lottery but those damn statistics are plotting against me. But I'll keep trying ...

Smooches and squeezes to all and know that you all are missed (as -- apparently -- am I!)

xxooxx

fourfold

that's how many legitimate "occupations" I have occupying my time, energy and brain right now.

First (and foremost!), being a mom and housekeeper for our lovely family unit: *check minus*

--> The house (are we ever surprised!) is a sty and dust bunnies and hair balls are starting to pile up in corners and the carpets are starting to have an unpleasant crunch to them. The youngest child has already logged obscene amounts of plugged in time because, well quite frankly, he doesn't make it onto my schedule until after his bedtime!

Secondly, Swim Club snack bar manager (for the first time ever): *check*

--> I have made so many trips to Sam's Club to buy copious amounts of snack crap and sodas that I think I'm starting to develop a hereto undiagnosed allergic reaction to bulk packing and flat bed carts!

Thirdly, Museum Summer Camp leader (again, first time ever!! and this year's theme is Native Americans): *check minus*

--> I'm incredibly overwhelmed with all the details and nuances of this endeavor. And the reality of managing a crew of teenagers/young adults who work with small kids is tremendously daunting. Plus I have to learn Native American dances, some sign language, scripted speeches and how to pull off a 'female rites of passage' ceremony. Yikes!!

Fourthly, tutoring a diverse contingent of kids (where I'm going to find the time is anyone's guess!!): *check minus minus*

--> math, math and more MATH!! Not my real forte, but I shall overcome my resistance. Plus I have the added challenge of learning how to work with a Smart Board in order to makes things more interesting and exciting for my reluctant learners.

**To sum it up, I'm just terrified that I'm going to look up and see that summer has super sonic flown by ... and I still have so much left to do!